This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
