She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
