PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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