So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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