i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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