remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
