1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
