I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
