i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
