One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
