You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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