I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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