Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wear drunk well.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize