At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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