I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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