Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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