like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
