I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
