Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
