I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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