Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
