Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
