i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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