Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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