Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
