So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
