he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
