Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
