i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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