Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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