I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to cum in my sink.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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