oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
