it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can I color on your dick again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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