im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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