you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
