Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
