Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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