I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
