I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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