I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
