Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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