she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
