and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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