Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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