Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
