??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They have beer where we have blood.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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