He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you win again, gameday.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
