I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
