you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
