Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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