I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
