At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
