Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
