you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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