somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
