I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
