You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
