I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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