He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
