So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
