I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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