hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
