I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
