Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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