how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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