the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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