I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
