tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
