I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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