me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
