Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
