I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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